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About Baron Von Olsträd

Recognized primarily for his prodigious pedagogy, the man known as "The Baron" has fascinated scholars and laymen for decades. Rumored to have taught some of the world's most illuminating minds, the influence of von Olsträd can be seen nearly everywhere, if one knows how to look (try squinting). A signature phrase, and one perpetuated by his students, is the simple "pay attention," though with varying syllabic emphasis dependent upon the number of repetitions deemed necessary and sometimes punctuated by physical violence upon the classroom furniture.

Johann "The Baron" von Olsträd was born the only son of a mediocre maker of meat pies and a housewife of great renown. Declaring himself intellectually bored, young Johann set out on his own at the age of four, and began the travels that would serve as the foundation for his later assertion that extensive, aimless wanderlust is "for the birds." Just so, his adventures during this time opened his eyes to the vast differences in technology, methodology, and gastronomy across the lands he visited.

If von Olsträd has two defining physical characteristics, they are his proclivity for the elusive fashion trend known as the "double monocle," and his strikingly European facial hair. The former, which the uneducated typically confuse as glasses-without-the-bridge, is a daring and classy style adopted by those whose taste is offended by the little nose-pads typically found on the more standard varieties of spectacles. The nature of The Baron's mustaches is such that the whiskers blend-in with his sideburns, leaving the prominent chin exposed. Popular opinion is that this is an example of fashion-from-necessity, as meat pies tend to contain juices which dribble down one's chin, and Johann began shaving at a very early age.

Though he has since retired from his vocation, the principles by which he has lived his life and taught his students remain relevant in today's world. In any worthwhile endeavor, it is still necessary to pay attention, to apply oneself completely to the task at hand, and to execute one's affairs with the utmost integrity.

Baron Von Olstrad